Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
