My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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