It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
