I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
