he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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