Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
