I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize