you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
