i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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