sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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