put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
