Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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