I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
