I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
