i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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