I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
