Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
