i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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