hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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