You just made me feel so damn special
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize