Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
