3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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