We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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