Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
