everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
