let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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