i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
