I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
