I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
