Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
