I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
