What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
