i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
