Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
