at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
