I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My penis needs a shock collar
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
