So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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