She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
