Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
