I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
