Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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