sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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