Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize