so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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