In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
