No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
