you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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