Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
