This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
