My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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