He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
