the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
