So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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