Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize