i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
