I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
