I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
