oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
