Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
