We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
