i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
