it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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