I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
