I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
