so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
