I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
