Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
