He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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