I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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