you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
