In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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