The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
