Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
