I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
