I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
