this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
MIDGETS
????
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
