We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
tequila makes me forget i have legs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
