I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
how drunk are you?
Several
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
