you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
