I'll bet she douches with gravy.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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