Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
