the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
