i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
