I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
