I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
