he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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