Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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