This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm just crazy horny about you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
