Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
