Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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