I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
