I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize