I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
