its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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