you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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