Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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