Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
