I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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