i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
