I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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