You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I need moral support for this bender
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
