but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
