Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
