There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
