booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize