Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
