i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
