First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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